4 words: hood of his car
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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