Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
