accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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