can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
