Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
honey bunches of taint.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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