Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
