Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
