I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
