I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
