Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
