You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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