Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
