I met the friendliest cop last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
