like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
