You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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