Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
