I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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