Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
