I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
