My Higher Power is John Stamos
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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