'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
