Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
