the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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