Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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