Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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