i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
