why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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