I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
