Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
