if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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