I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
