I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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