I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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