I heard we made out
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
