she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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