But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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