i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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