Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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