so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
