I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
