i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
