The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
