Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
