It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
