So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
