whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
