you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my being single is dangerous.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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