I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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