He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I still have a little drunk in my system
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
