It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My bed smells like the plague
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
