After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
