I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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